Friday, May 16, 2008

Tell me everything.

My daughter came down for a visit tonight. She's been having problems with vertigo, so my husband picked her up on his way home and I told her I'd drive her home.

It was getting kind of late, so we stopped off at a convenience store for a cup of coffee. I was stirring my usual gazillion creamers into my cup of caffeinated goodness when a woman not much older than me approached the coffee bar and struck up a cheerful conversation.

''I thought I was the only person who drank coffee this late!.' she chirped.

''Nope,'' says I. ''Love the stuff.''

''Oh me too, me too. Had to give it up though, doctor told me I had to. I got right sick on Mother's Day. ''

''Really? I'm sorry to hear it.''

''I don't think it was the coffee that did it, though. My intestines, they twisted all up! Couldn't pass a damn thing!''

Now, all my life I've noticed that people feel compelled to tell me the most unexpected and often outrageous things. An older friend once remarked that I've ''heard confessions that would make a crack whore blush for shame.''

Not knowing any crack whores, personally, I've never been able to prove her theory. But anyway, my daughter made a funny noise but the woman went on, still as chipper as she could be.

''Yeah, they tell me I could have died!! It's a bad thing, I tell ya. A woman I worked with had it too and they had to cut her leg off! She couldn't pass a thing neither and she got gangrene! I'm tellin' ya, if you can't go, better go to the doctor and make sure your intestines are ok. I coulda got gangrene!!''

People, it is damn hard to make a graceful exit from a random conversation about gangrenous intestinal torsions. I could think of only one thing to say.

''Good talking to you. I do hope everything comes out okay in the end.''

But I didn't say it. You could say... I didn't have the guts. But I wisished her well and she beamed and waved goodbye to us as we left.

I waited until we got in the car and then I told my daughter. She smacked me.


Guinevere Meadow said...

Oh, I wish you had told her!! That would have been hilarious!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Goodness... how in the world do these people find you?!?!

frannie said...

That would have been awesome, if you would have told her that!!!

Suzie said...

Thats too funny. Not to get to random here too but Ive been getting some pretty bad vertigo myself lately

Betsey Booms said...

Oh I just love awkward conversations with people I don't know. Fantastic.

Reluctant Housewife said...

You could have said that, I doubt she'd have caught the joke. I guess it would depend on your delivery.

People feeling compelled to share their stories with you sure does give you some funny stories to share with us.

Thanks to the intestines lady!

Anonymous said...

I so wished you would have said it. I would have loved to hear what came out of her (mouth) after that one!