Saturday, May 3, 2008

Spring Cleaning, House and Head

At some point yesterday, it occurred to me that I might have lost my grip. The husband was out of town for the majority of the weekend, Short Stuff was napping off his apple juice high (seriously. Having only recently mastered the Juice Box, compliments of his older sister, receiving the rare juice box puts him into a state of complete giddiness. Ok, so does farting but come on, he's not yet two) and I was attempting a deep cleaning of the house.

Serious cleaning is difficult for me. Not because I hate cleaning - which I do, but I hate living like a pig even more so it works out. Clutter is one thing, grime another. Anyway... difficult. right. Why? Because I'm AD freaking D. I started by doing dishes and as I started to wipe down the counter, I realized a drip of coffee had run down the front of the dishwasher. And as I cleaned that up, the floor attracted my attention. While I hunted for the lemon cleanser, the dining room table caught my eye....

it always works this eay. I end up trying to clean three rooms at the same time and at one point? I found myself ironing a tablecloth while remembering that there was a laundry mangle in the Williams Sonoma catalog that could zip this baby through in about a minute and...



Whoa. What the ripe hell... what is WRONG with me? Its a KITCHEN TABLECLOTH. Nobody cares. NOBODY CARES.


And lets face it, Williams Sonoma is very very very bad for me. Its shiny, glossy, heavyweight pages of expensive crack. Even if its really well-made crack. I need this catalog like a hole in the head. I've managed to wean myself from all other catalogs but not this one.... when I see a "new" one (they just shift the stuff around and put a new cover on and throw in a few seasonal items but really... its the same stuff every month) in the mailbox each month, I practically salivate. I am a kitchen-crap marketer's dream, I really am.

Is there a 12 step program for Donna Reed poseurs? I might need an intervention sometime soon. Or at least an extended session with power tools. Yeah. That's it, somebody hand me the nail gun, I need to FIX stuff instead of y'know, go to that Stepford place in my head.




Also? Forgot to mention that I got the best Secretary's Day (you can call me an Administrative Professional all you want. I is what I is.) gift EVAH. They gave me a gift certificate.


to GAMESTOP.



Bwah-hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Awesome. I was most pleased.


Last, Short Stuff is at times too smart for his mommy. He was happily playing with his toy kitchen, and he fell silent for about 30 seconds. Not unusal when he's concentrating on something and then he dashed across the room, so everything was business as usual.

Except he's standing on tiptoes, trying to reach across the gate to the chair where his overnight bag is sitting. Huh? I walk over and realize he has stripped himself naked from the waist down. And he succeeds in snagging the bag and pulls out a diaper. And I look for the other diaper, the one he'd been wearing. It is crammed into the toy trashcan of his toy kitchen and it is freshly wet.

Oh boy! He's using the toilet if he has to go when we put him on it, but he has yet to fully grasp what the feeling of needing to go is and giving us warning. So he peed, and was apparently planning on changing his diaper by himself.

10 comments:

Heather J. said...

When you find that 12 step program, let me know. I NEED it, desperately.

I once ironed my sheets.
WTF was I thinking....sheets?

a Tonggu Momma said...

I am cracking up at your post today. Before the Tongginator, while in serious adoption wait mode with NO job, I ironed my husband's undershirts. WHAT was I thinking? Except that I wasn't. I should have started a hobby instead.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Maybe you could come over to my house and work off those house cleaning tendencies? Congrats with Short Stuff. Surely his daiper changing habit is a good one.

queenrandom said...

A self-changing baby? Brilliant! How can I get one in that model?

Suzie said...

That totally sounds like a toilet triaing que to me. At least he puts his diapers away and does not feed it to the dog or his sybling.

We are THAT Family said...

I laughed out loud at this. I hate ironing so much, I use the wrinkle free spray on EVERYTHING! But tablecloths? Yes, that is very bad.

JoeinVegas said...

Change his own diaper - you are training him well.

MadWomanMeg said...

William Sonoma? Wassat?

Good for him for trying to change his own diaper. Do his future wife a favour and make sure he knows how to pick up his own socks.

my4kids said...

I am so ADD it's terrible. I can't get things done because the next thing I notice usually has me out the door somewhere. It just goes on and on and on...
Love that he put his diaper in the toy garbage can, at least he has the idea instead of hiding somewhere else like the toy oven or something.

Reluctant Housewife said...

He's changing his own diapers? I'm impressed.