Yeah, I feel guilty about a bummerof a post that was supposed to be Fridays but turned into wailing and gnashing of teeth.
So I'll tell you a story. Sadly, this story is also true and gets related to every new secretary at work.
The complex I work in has a number of buildings that are all attached to each other... the buildings are also old and mice and snakes and bugs get in sometimes. The breezeway that leads to the building housing the cafeteria had a smoking section outside the double doors.
So, Tammy & I were heading down to get lunch one day, and she spots a blue-tailed little lizard in the hallway. It must have run in when a smoker opened the door, and now it can't find its way out.
Tammy is saddened - she loves animals - but not so sad she cares to touch it. "It's going to starve and die in here!"
Me? Not much phases ME. I shrug and bend down with a small piece of paper, figuring I'll catch it my hands or on the paper and drop it outside. Simple, right?
"What are you guys doing?" Melanie, another executive secretary is walking towards us, accompanied by my boss.
"She's catching a lizard to put it back outside!" Tammy exclaims.
And at that moment.... I learned that 'leapin' lizards' is NOT just a phrase. That lizard jumped into the sleeve of my Tahari suit and RAN UP MY ARM. I have a lizard somewhere on my bra, I think.... no its up to my shoulder... Oh shit. THERE'S A LIZARD IN MY SUIT.
Did this escape anyone's notice? I should be so lucky.
"Holy shit!" sez Melanie. "Did that thing..."
"Yep." says my boss, "Right up her arm."
"oh GROSS!" squeals Tammy.
With all the dignity that someone who has a reptile in her suit can muster, I excuse myself and step outside. And of course, Sam is out there smoking.
"Hi!" I say brightly, as I step onto the grass and start vigourously shaking my arm. "Howya doing??"
Eventually the lizard falls back out of my sleeve onto the grass and runs away. Sam stares.
"Did..." he says hesitantly. "Did... did you just shake a LIZARD out of your sleeve?"
"Yup! See ya later!"
Try living that one down. I will not be remembered for my professional demeanor or my capable skills. Oh no, I will forever be known as the chick with the lizard in her suit.