Sunday, March 25, 2007

Housecleaning: Portrait of an American Lunatic

So I fell asleep watching TV. I don't even remember what I was watching but Third Watch was on when I woke up at 4 am because I heard the baby crying. And I was off that bed, down the hall and staring, quite confused, at an empty crib before I woke up enough to remember that Husband and Baby were in MARYLAND and the baby I heard was actually on the TV.

Do not underestimate the power of Mother Hearing.

The adrenaline surge that propelled me down the hall was enough to guarantee that I wasn't getting back to sleep so I made coffee (wisely used the COFFEE MAKER today so as to avoid another scalding) and then got antsy (before the coffee, thankyewverramuch. Lets not forget the ADD.)

It is now 8am and I have:

  • washed 4 loads of laundry
  • done 1 1/2 loads of dishes
  • Found that someone had broken ANOTHER of the tall drinking glasses (out of 16, I am down to 8. %$#@*!!!)
  • Wondered if I can still locate a matching set of these glasses?
  • Decided that 6am was too early to care
  • Decided to winnow through all fabric in my house
  • bagged 5 large trash bags of stuff to be purged
  • cleaned one bathroom
  • decided all bathrooms need to be bleached
  • discovered I have no bleach
  • made pancakes
  • accidentally grabbed the giant clear plastic bottle of SOY SAUCE instead of the clear plastic bottle of pancake syrup. (Costco strikes again! Do we REALLY need THIS much soy sauce???)
  • cussed
  • Realized the fridge needs a good scrubbing.
  • Spot-treated the living room carpet
  • Spot-treated the dining room carpet
  • Asked myself why I just wasted 15 minutes spot-treating carpets when in 5 years I have not been able to remove the stains left by the previous occupant??

Folks, I am beginning to scare myself but am reluctant to stop now. Imagine what I can accomplish before NOON at this rate. I have already called my dad about bringing over his truck & trailer a little later because we are making a dump run or my name ain't GERBIL. I have been asking for this to happen for months and by golly... I've run out of patience and a forthcoming move is an EXCELLENT reason to get rid of all this crap we don't need. There's a gazillion items that are going to goodwill, and the county dump also has a dropoff point for stuff that's too good to throw away but Goodwill won't take (they're picky here).

Then... I'm going to Home Depot. (If I could possibly paint this entire house this afternoon, I'd do that too. )

It's spring, its time to kick some ass around here.


Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Congratulations on achieving so much housecleaning. Honestly though housework crazed gerbil scares lazy squirrels.

velocibadgergirl said...


Kimberly said...

I'm scared and inspired at the same time. Too weird.

my4kids said...

Came over from Alpha Dude blog. I've seen you in a few other places also.
Just had to say your post just made me dizzy. I need some of that adrenaline here so I can get some of that done.
Time for bed you made me tired....

Katrina A. said...

LOL!!! I too found your post through Alpha Dude, so blame him for my unwanted rantings. I too have those weird adrenaline rush cleaning fests and then I crash for two days and can't get off the couch. Then I look around and the house is destroyed again!!!
I love your blog, you have a knack for the ridiculous and funny.

Angie said...

Good job! Now do something with the fabric. You are on a roll.