Friday, April 6, 2007

Bad Boys, Bad Boys! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

Let me start by saying: IT WASN'T US. ATTENTION, ATTENTION... IT WAS NOT US.

Anyway. So I'm on the phone last night, talking to a friend out in California and I hear BAMBAMBAMBAM!! I pause.... and again, I hear it. bambambambambam!! It sounds like its coming from out back. Ohman, did the No Home Training Trio get into it AGAIN? Is someone locked out onto the deck??? I didn't hear any drunken yowling...
"Hang on, " I say to my friend "I hear something weird out back."

Tucking the cordless phone between my chin and my shoulder, I cautiously open up the window just in time to hear: "Open up! POLICE! "POLICE!"

And it isn't coming from the Trio's house, it's either MINE or the guy on the end. Oh crap. "Which house do you need?" I call down - I mean really. It's fricking dark out there, I can't tell WHAT house they're at.

"Next to yours, ma'am. (pause) Are they home? Can you come out front, please?"

Oh gravy. "Lemmee call you back," I tell my friend (who, btw, I have JUST filled in on all our recent drama, so now she's wigging out)

Two very, very stern officers are at my door. I see that the neighbor's SUV isn't there -he works until late, and I tell the officers so.
"Oh man, let me guess. His exwife made another accusation?"

The officers exchange looks. "There are some serious charges, here. Has this happened before?"
"You have no idea. For the last 4 years, she used to come over, knock his motorcycle over and JUMP on it. Once she punched a hole in the gas tank. She'd kick the cars, pound on the doors, scream threats... all the time. The judge presiding over the divorce finally told her if she came back here he'd have her arrested. So around New Years, she's started making various accusations and have him arrested each time, preferably in front of his neighbors."
"Oh. These ARE serious charges. There's a warrant for his arrest."
"I have no doubt they are. I'm sorry to say, he won't be the least bit surprised."
"Hmmm. Well, we'll leave a note for him then to go ahead and call us and we can get it worked out. Thanks for the information."

Man. Poor guy. THAT's shaping up to be a bad, bad day, any way you slice it. Remind me not to complain about traffic today, huh?


* * *

So we're going out to THE FARM for Easter. My mom bought HER grandmother's farm, and my aunt lives just down the road on my grandparent's farm. Mom eventually wants to retire out there, but for now we just go out and visit often.

I'm looking forward to the trip but with some trepidation. This farm has always been like the Twilight Zone. The weirdness REALLY comes out, trust me. Like the last time I went fishing on the pond in the cow pasture? I caught a bat.

Yes, you read that correctly. A BAT. What are the odds??? It was dusk, and the thing flew down for a drink or a bug or something just as I cast my line and I snagged it by the skin of its back. My sisters, cousin and I all watched with open mouths as the bat zig-zagged around, trying to free itself. All I could think was "Exactly how am I supposed to get THAT off the line??" and was considering just walking back to the house, bat in tow like a child's balloon, and letting my grandfather handle it, when the bat managed to pull itself free.

There are no lights anywhere, it being out in the hills, and critters a'plenty. And did I mention that my husband is leery of wild animals?? If the coyote starts howling outside the bedroom windows, he may refuse to ever go back there. I am debating whether to warn him of the possibility - it usually comes near the house in late summer & fall not spring, so chances aren't as high. And I MAY just freak him out enough that he decides not to go at all.

So we might leave tonight or first thing in the morning. I have no idea if I'll have access once out there but I'm sure I'll have plenty to talk about when I get back.


Brown Eyed Girl said...

OH....*huge exhale* even an little get away to a farm sounds like heaven right now.

I need a little get away..but I'm hoping just being off of work is enough to tide me over til I get to see Steffus.

That poor dude next door....unreal.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I really feel for your neighbor. That's just terrible to have to go through.

Strange how your husband would freak out about wild critters. Honestly they are a lot more harmless than living next to your would seem.

Have a good time at the farm.

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

I fully understand what your neighbor is going through. It is one of the reasons I left California and moved to the Mid-West. (It got so bad that the Sheriff's Deputy would just call me on my cell phone and say, "Hi. it's me again...")

That farm sound cool. I think it would be lot of fun. If your husband gets the willies, just tell him to put on his big-girl panties and enjoy the time there. There's other people who would thoroughly enjoy spending time there.

Enjoy the bats and other critters.


Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Oh, I almost forgot....
Dr. John sent me, but I was on my over anyway.

velocibadgergirl said...

Dude, I LOVE your animal stories. A bat? *dies laughing*

But yeah...your neighbors? Lordy.

Steff said...

Trust me, I will so be there with bells on to help you move! Just give me a time and a day and I'll pop over! :)

frannie said...

crazy stuff with the neighbor- poor guy!

also- tell your husband on the car ride on the way there. he can't escape. :)

my4kids said...

I feel for the neighbor, poor guy.

I am the one who gets leary of wild animals the hubby thinks its great. Though a farm out away from the city....honestly sounds really nice right now.

midlife mommy said...

I can't believe you caught a bat. Wow! Thanks for the smile.

Catwoman said...

So you caught a batfish? Are those any good fried? Because here in Texas, they'll fry anything.

Kimberly said...

Ouch. Poor guy.

Lookin' forward to the impending narrative