Lost in Translation

Recently, I had reason to venture into our fine county courthouse, for the purpose of assisting my older son in paying a traffic ticket. He hadn't realized that the court would not accept starter checks and he had not yet received the "real" checks for his new bank account.

I work right around the corner so I offered to write the payment from my checking account, he could write his check to me and all would be good. Right?

Right.

When you enter the courthouse, you pass through metal detectors and have your belongings xrayed and all that. This fine day, the detectors were manned by two deputies somewhere in their early to mid 60s, I'd say.

Also on this fine day? I was feeling a tad ... puffy. 6 weeks of prednisone did nothing for the upkeep of my girlish figure, you understand, and I'd decided to employ the use of specially designed Foundation Garments to help keep things in check.

Anyway. Y'all can guess where this might be headed, no doubt. And you'd be right. I stepped through the gate and the detector went off with a resounding alarm. The deputies gave me the evil eye and pointed to the side. I slunk over as they approached with The Wand.

"Ma'am, are you carrying anything we need to know about?"
Blushing, I whispered "it's my... Foundation Garment. It has metal hooks."
The deputy frowned as the wand beeped at my midsection. "Your what?"
"Foundation garment."
"What is a Foundation Garment??"
Realizing I was about two beeps away from a strip search and calculating the deputy's age, I hung my head and gave him an answer he'd understand.
"It's a girdle."

His eyes widened in comprehension and he blushed too.

"Uh... You can go on through, ma'am"

My son was waiting, looking horrified as I approached the elevator. Another couple was standing there, looking at me curiously. Alas, I was still doing the Walk of Chagrin, and it required one last compound before it would crystallize into bright, bitter Shame.

The deputy turned to his partner and explained "It was her girdle!"

Aaaaaand he said it just as there was a lull in the noise of the atrium and everyone on both levels heard him.

Lord, sometimes its a party to be me.